It’s advice that’s given as a quick fix for heartbreak, but I’m here to tell you this advice is not only flawed, it can lead to more pain and confusion in the long run.

The truth is breakups are never easy. They suck!
Emotions run high, memories linger, and it’s natural to want to escape the pain as quickly as possible.

However, trying to replace one person with another is not the solution. Let me share with you through three essential principles that will not only help you heal, but also empower you to ‘get back on the saddle’ when you’re emotionally ready.

Get to know your emotions

One of the most significant problems with the “get under someone else” advice is that it encourages you to ignore your emotions.

After a breakup, your feelings can be a rollercoaster ride. You may feel sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion all at once. It’s essential to acknowledge and understand these emotions instead of trying to numb them with a new relationship.

When you suppress your emotions by rushing into a rebound relationship, you’re only delaying the healing process. These unresolved feelings will resurface sooner or later, potentially causing even more significant pain down the line.

Instead, take the time to sit with your emotions, process them, and allow yourself to grieve the end of the relationship. What you resist feeling now, will continue to persist, and embracing your emotions is the first step towards healing.

Self-Care and Self-Reflection

Resist the urge to fall into the arms of someone new. Rather focus on self-care and self-reflection. See this time as an opportunity to rediscover yourself, your interests, and your goals.

Whenever I’ve gone through difficult separations, I’ve used the time to reflect and ask ‘what do I want?’.  Answering this question isn’t easy, especially if you’ve been in a relationship where their needs have been your priority.  

After a break up you might want to stop thinking about your ex, or to stop crying and feel happier… Going beyond these surface ‘want’s’ with self-reflection, will be a powerful tool for personal growth and a healthier future relationship.

Consider practices such as meditation, journaling, or therapy to gain insight into your past relationship and your own needs and desires.

Believe in your own worth.

The worst thinking when dating is that your worth depends on being in a relationship. It’s crucial to shift this mindset. Believe in your own worth and understand that your value is not determined by whether or not you are in a relationship.

Being single is an incredible time to rebuild your self-esteem and self-confidence. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who remind you of your strengths and qualities. Understand that you are complete on your own and that a healthy relationship should complement your life, not define it.

The “get under someone else” advice might sound like a quick fix, but it’s a short-term solution that can lead to long-term pain.

Helping people get through a difficult separation, is what I do.  I can help you get through these challenging sorts of emotions quickly so you can get back to being the best version of you, in a fraction of the time.

If you are going through a separation and want a confidence boost let’s chat