Today, I want to talk about a common mistake people often make when they feel anxious in their relationships. Or when their insecurities get triggered. Now this isn’t something you’re doing on purpose to mess things up, but it’s a blind spot that often leads to the opposite of what you want. Let me explain…
The main issue for experiencing an anxious attachment is not allowing for the possibility of some space or time apart in the relationship. When you feel anxious, you naturally want to stay close to your partner all the time.
This probably made sense when you were a kid, but it becomes a problem in adult relationships. Healthy relationships need a balance of being close and having some time apart. It’s like a dance where you come together and then step back to reconnect with yourself before coming together again.
The problem is, when you feel anxious, you might panic when your partner pulls away, even a little. This can lead to behaviors that push them further away, creating more anxiety. The key is to become comfortable with the idea of your partner needing some space, especially when you’re feeling unsure about why they need it.
So I thought I’d share with you 4 steps to help you manage this, if its something you’re experience.
- Acceptance: When you feel something is off, accept that your gut might be right. Instead of asking your partner right away if everything is okay, accept that it’s normal for things to feel off sometimes.
- Calm Yourself: Understand that trying to calm your anxiety by always staying close to your partner isn’t going to work in the long run. Focus on grounding yourself. Notice where you are and how your body feels. This helps you remember that you are separate from your partner and helps you understand your own feelings.
- Talk Openly: Express your feelings using “I” statements. For example, “I feel a bit disconnected and it makes me anxious.” This opens up a conversation about boundaries and needs without making your partner feel like they are responsible for your feelings. Own what you feel and refrain from statements like “You make me feel…”
- Find a Balance: Work together to find common ground. If you need more communication and your partner feels overwhelmed, talk about how to meet in the middle. Maybe you agree on specific times to check in with each other, respecting both your needs.
Learning to handle these moments of needing space without panicking is crucial for keeping a healthy relationship. Understand that periods of feeling a bit disconnected are normal and necessary for growth. By accepting this and talking openly, you give your relationship the best chance to thrive.
Remember, healthy relationships involve both being close and having space. Embrace this process, respect each other’s boundaries, and work together to create a balanced, fulfilling relationship.
If this is landing for you and you would like help with this, join my next FREE mini masterclass:
Look forward to seeing you there!
Tzara x
