Longevity vs Happiness

Why being together a long time isn't always a sign of a healthy relationship.

I wanted to talk about a topic that came up in a recent client session…

What are your thoughts about; staying in a long term relationship that might be long past its due by date, just because of time you’ve been together.

Staying because of the length of time you’ve been together and feeling like a failure if you leave.

You might have a belief that being in a relationship for a long time automatically means it’s a healthy one. But that’s not always the case.

It’s true, longevity can sometimes indicate a strong connection, but when you’re happiness is on the line, there are other factors to consider.


1. Comfort Zone vs Growth:

Being with someone for years can mean you’re super comfortable with each other. And that’s great, but here’s the catch: too much comfort can lead to stagnation. In a healthy relationship, both partners show signs of growing and evolving together. If you’re stuck in a comfort zone you’re likely making assumptions about each others needs and not taking into consideration the small changes that will naturally be occurring as the relationship develops.

2. Baggage Can Pile Up

Years together can also mean years of arguments, misunderstandings, and unresolved issues. Instead of addressing these problems, some couples sweep them under the rug to keep the peace. But guess what? Ignoring problems doesn’t make them disappear. Unresolved issues can lead to resentment and hurt the relationship in the long run. A truly healthy relationship faces problems head-on.

3. Talking Doesn’t Always Mean Communicating:

Sometimes, couples who’ve been together for ages assume they know everything about each other, so they stop really talking. Does that sound familiar? They might not discuss their feelings or concerns as openly as they used to. Honest open communication is the bedrock of a healthy relationship. Don’t underestimate the power of meaningful communication, no matter how long you’ve been together.

4. Remember Yourself:

It’s easy to lose sight of your own dreams and passions when you’ve been with someone for a long time. In a healthy relationship, both partners should encourage each other to chase their individual goals. If you’re giving up your own happiness for the sake of the relationship, it might be time to re-evaluate things.

5 Balancing Independence:

Long relationships sometimes fall into a trap of dependency or co-dependency. It’s okay to rely on each other for support, but being overly reliant can stifle personal growth. Healthy relationships strike a balance between being in a team and maintaining your own sense of self. Independence within the relationship keeps things fresh and vibrant.

So, it’s not just about the number of years you’ve spent together; it’s about how you’ve spent those years.

Healthy relationships prioritize growth, communication, addressing issues, personal fulfillment, and maintaining a healthy sense of independence. Don’t let the misconception of “long equals healthy” cloud your judgment.

If your relationship isn’t ticking these boxes, it might be time for a heart-to-heart conversation about what truly makes your relationship strong and meaningful – for both of your hearts.