Building trust and creating deeper connections with the people we care about is essential for nurturing healthy and fulfilling relationships…

…and it impacts all our relationships both personally and professionally

Yet, there’s a common tendency to engage in mindreading, where we assume we know what the other person is thinking or feeling without it being communicated directly.

So I want to debunk the myths surrounding mindreading and explore how it can hinder trust and connection in relationships. If you have ever made assumptions and mindreads about what someone else is thinking, then listen up cos this is for you.

The Illusion of Mindreading: Understanding Our Assumptions

Mind reading often originates from our desire to fill in the gaps when communication is unclear. It can have some really positive intentions and often comes from a place of genuine care. We might think we know what someone is thinking based on their actions or body language or on previous experiences with that person.  But people change and the past is not always a good measure of future outcomes.

Assuming we know someone’s thoughts, (what they want or don’t want) can lead to misunderstandings and create unnecessary conflicts.

When we engage in mindreading, we may inadvertently project our own desires, beliefs, or expectations onto our partner.

So let’s say we assume they want to spend the weekend with us without confirming their plans, this could lead to disappointment or frustration if they had other intentions.

When we enforce our will onto someone else through mind reading, we risk infringing on their autonomy and diminishing the mutual respect necessary for a healthy relationship.

Mindreading can also be driven by our own hidden agendas or insecurities. If we harbor doubts or fears about our partner’s feelings or actions, we might fuel these fears through mind reading.

This can lead to what is known as a ‘confirmation bias’, where we selectively interpret their behaviours to fit our preconceived notions, even if they might not be accurate. If we filter everything through those fears without checking their validity, just like wearing yellow tinted glasses, if we never take them off, eventually everything is going to look yellow.

The Impact on Trust

If we consistently rely on mind reading rather than open communication, we erode the trust.  Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship.

If one person feels that their thoughts and feelings are constantly being misinterpreted or overlooked, they may become hesitant to share their true emotions in the future. This breakdown in trust can create a sense of emotional distance and disconnection within the relationship.

It’s the kind of disconnection that will breakdown any effective communication.

Another thing to catch is when we assume we know what the other person is thinking, we may not actively be listening to what they are saying.  Which is another way of discounting what might be important to that person and fully understanding their perspective.

their words or engage in open dialogue. This communication breakdown can prevent us from understanding the other persons perspective fully and addressing any concerns or issues that arise.

This impacts relationships both personally and professionally.  Think of a time when you haven’t felt heard or understood and potentially robbed of your own choices or decisions on an outcome, even if the intention was well intended.

The Importance of Open and Honest Communication

To combat the negative impact of mindreading, fostering open and honest communication is crucial. Encouraging each other to express thoughts, feelings, and desires openly without fear of judgment can strengthen the bond of trust and connection.

When we actively listening to one another and validate each other’s emotions, we create a safe space for vulnerability and authentic expression.

Making assumptions and mindreading is an illusion that can lead to enforcing our will onto someone else, potentially holding hidden agendas, and will impact trust and connection within the relationship.

To build and maintain a strong, healthy bond, it is vital to practice open and honest communication, actively listen to one another, and avoid making assumptions about the other person’s thoughts or feelings.

By embracing genuine communication, we can dismantle the illusion of mindreading and cultivate a relationship grounded in trust, respect, and understanding.

These are 3 common myths about mind reading that you might have heard or experienced:

Myth 1: “They Should Just Know What I’m Thinking!”

I see this one come up a lot among couples who’ve been together for a while.  Or among siblings, where meaning has been made about something but never actually discussed.

If you hear or experience this, consider these questions:

• What evidence are you basing this assumption on?
• What has specifically has been communicated for this belief, to frame your thinking?
• Or be the foundation of your thinking

the Solution is: Replace assumptions with clear communication. Instead of expecting others to read your mind, practice open and honest dialogue. Share your thoughts and feelings without assuming the other person knows what’s on your mind. Be vulnerable and express yourself genuinely, allowing space for the other person to do the same. When both parties are open and communicative, misunderstandings can be minimized, and trust can flourish.

Myth 2: “They Did That Because of Me!”

This is personalising the problem as if it is our fault; we make it; personal, pervasive and permanent.

We say; this THING, is all about me, “I’m horrible”, that person doesn’t like me, they are never going to be my friend again… etc. (this is personalising it). Then you make it pervasive; take that one challenging thing and make it the sum total of everything that is happening in your life right now – so ‘everything’ is terrible. Then it gets stretched through time and a belief is created – its ALWAYS going to be terrible, which becomes its ALWAYS ‘been’ terrible…

Consider:

• What evidence or specific behaviours make you believe that their actions were directly because of you?

Alternative Solution: Cultivate empathy and perspective-taking. Recognize that people’s actions are shaped by a multitude of factors, including their own experiences, emotions, and circumstances. Instead of jumping to conclusions, put yourself in their shoes and consider what might be influencing their behaviour. Practicing empathy helps you understand others on a deeper level and reduces the tendency to take things personally.

Myth 3: “They’re Judging Me Right Now!”

Consider:

• What specific behaviours or cues are you interpreting as judgment, and how might other explanations for those behaviours be possible?

Alternative Solution: Challenge negative self-perceptions. When you catch yourself assuming others are judging you, pause and question those thoughts. Ask yourself if there is concrete evidence to support such beliefs or if you are projecting your insecurities onto others. Remember that everyone has their own worries and concerns, and most people are not focused on judging others.

Embrace self-compassion and remind yourself that you are worthy of acceptance and respect, just like everyone else. This is your hidden super power.

Thank you for joining me today, and if you’d like to discuss this further, send me a DM… I look forward to hearing from you.

Tzara✨💕